WUNDRAM: The month when there is no occasion to rise to

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By Bill Wundram | Tuesday, August 05, 2008 |

Here we slump into August in our plastic-webbed chairs and do nothing. It is the only month when there are no holidays and no big events.

We don’t have to hunt in the attic for Easter baskets, or untangle the wires to string the holiday lights for Christmas decorations. We don’t have to get all steamed up for the Bix bash and the big Mississippi Valley Fair is over.

August is a last call of summer, a treasured time. It flows lazily through small towns like Geneseo, where the noon siren still shrieks and scares the heck out of the birds that are lingering in the City Park maples. Too soon, they’ll be heading south.

The streets of the Quad-Cities are hot, almost too hot for barefoot kids. You don’t see many kids running around barefoot anymore. They’re mod, with flip-flops. A handful of guys lounge on the sidewalk of Ledo Apartments across from the Scott County Courthouse. Their backs are to the walls of the brick building. They stare at their feet, waiting for a siren to screech by.

August is the sound of baseball, hands cuffing the sweet smell of leather in the gloves. Baseball begins in the spring and by August, we’re left with nothing to look forward to except football.

August is when the kids are getting restless. They whine about going back to school but are hepped up to buy new backpacks. Summer wanes. The late Erma Bombeck said it so well:

“I don’t know whom to praise for giving us this wonderful month, but August is the month for everyone to lie back and wallow in the knowledge that there is absolutely no occasion to rise to.”

An August ‘lifetime’ moment in Morrison

Harold Renkes of Morrison, Ill., was born on Aug. 8, 1920. Says his son, Ken:

“That means when the clock ticks to the 8th second of the 8th minute of the 8th hour of the 8th day of the 8th month of the 8th year of the decade and century, he will be celebrating his 88th birthday.”

Someone who’s a wise mathematical whiz will likely figure out some other angle to this, but let’s allow Harold to have his moment of fame.

“He’s still an early riser, and the chances are that he will retire at 8 o’clock on Aug. 8. What else should we expect?” asks his son.

An August tree from Santa Claus

Quick response to an item in Tuesday’s column about a LeClaire Park 14-foot oak tree, blown over by the storm. The $300 tree had been ordered a few years ago by a Florida woman because of her love for the park and the Bix jazz blast. Ray Voss, prez of the Bix society, was hesitant to break the news of the felled tree to the woman because she is ill with cancer.

“I read that and it broke my heart,” says Mike Peppers, best known as the official Santa Claus for the Quad-Cities. Sgt. (nickname) Peppers called Voss and said that he would buy a new tree.

“I thought of my mom, Leona, who loved that park,” he says. “A new tree will be this Santa’s gift in the middle of summer.”

Three guys, three nuns at the ball game

Three dudes are sitting behind three nuns and are having trouble seeing the play at a ball game. The first one says, “Let’s go someplace else so we don’t have to sit behind some nuns.”

The second one says, even louder, “We’ll move, so we won’t have to sit behind some nuns.”

The third one says, “Let’s go someplace.”

One nun turns and sharply says, “Why don’t you go to hell? There are no nuns there.”

Bill Wundram can be contacted at (563) 383-2249 or bwundram@qctimes.com.