How to help kids navigate coming out of quarantine and other COVID-19 struggles

A: I would just encourage parents to have a weekly or biweekly meeting about what’s coming up. Because literally, three weeks ago we didn’t know what would be happening now. Next week, we don’t know what’s happening. So we don’t want to be like chickens with our heads cut off. We want to do a “state of the family union.”

[For example], “Here’s what we know right now: Mommy’s still not going into the office, Daddy isn’t, either, and we still don’t know what’s going on with your school. And here’s what we’re doing this week.”

A: I would encourage all parents to have little mini meetings. You can make them as age-appropriate as you need to. Tiny kids that go to day care, they can sit in a circle and have little clapping meetings. It can be done.

[For older kids, you can say that] “this is what our state allows, and this is what our family’s comfortable with.” Your state may not reflect your family values, in which case then you’re going to be like, “This is going to suck, because everyone’s going to be at the pool, which has no [distancing] rules, and we’re not doing it.” It’s rough.

A: Clinginess has been really bad, and that’s a form of anxiety. It’s annoying. But it’s not a dysfunction. With a clingy child, you’re trying to structure when you’re going to connect with them and giving yourself lots of leeway for when they cry.

Parenting experts have been talking about “special time” for forever. Spend time on the floor with the kid — you give it 15, good, solid, hard-core minutes. And then you use technology. And you allow the crying. People can’t have the kid screaming bloody murder when they are on Zoom, so you’ve got to give yourself a little bit of time. And some days are better than others.

A: I’ve also told parents, if the kid can handle it, to make a little nest next to their desk. And in the nest is maybe the iPad, snacks, blankets and pillows, stuffed animals, Crocs — whatever they love. If they can be quiet, if they can play, we’re increasing closeness.

I’ve suggested to some parents that while they’re on Zoom to be touching the child. Which is crazy-making. But it’s less crazy-making than fighting. Because the more we push them away, the stronger they often come back.